How Deep and Wide the Rivers Run.

Everyone is different. Born of different parents in a different economic status than their neighbor. Different religions. Different cultural background. Different colored eyes, hair and skin. Everyone is different and unique.
Every leaf on a tree is different. Every river that runs from its' headwaters to the sea is different. Every hair on a moose hide is different. Everything in nature has its differences.
The phases of the moon change. The seasons change. Our hair changes color and lengths. The tides change. Even the amount of rain in one area from year to year changes. Everything in our lives change. If that is a universal truth, then riddle me this: why are humans afraid of change?
Nothing in our lives stays the same and if it does, we believe our lives to be stagnant and unmoving or unmotivated. But, when big, eppic changes occur, we freak out! Change can be scary it's true. It's the unfamiliar that haunts us. The "what if" scenarios that keep us unmoving like water with no where to go. With no outlet, water becomes unclean and full of algae until the algae kills off all the other things in the water and takes up all the space so much that it even kills itself off. Do we want our lives and our nation to become like a stagnant pond slowly choking the life out of itself? I have no desire to see that happen.
People who were born in the last two centuries have not seen war or conflict on United States soil. We've been attacked surely, and those were hard situations and tragic ones as well. But they were short lived and soon forgotten within the woes and materialistic values that we have come to thrive on. We are soft and spoiled as a country. More so those of us whose ancesters were born here and the voices telling stories of hardship and attrocities of man have faded beyond the whisper to silence. They are faces without tales and so a part of us is lost because we would not listen because we felt we did not have the time.
Selfish of us really. Such a large part of being human is knowing what it is to not be human. It is when we do not know or understand what a monster is that we fail to understand that humans have been and still can be the monster that makes small children afraid at night. They should not fear that which could harm them that is fantasy, they should fear that which is real and has a face that is not grotesque but looks just like everyone elses.
Everyone is different. Yes, that is true and not. Every human has a monster within. It breathes with us, eats with us, and sleeps with us. Beware the day that it wakes within you. Learn that monster within so you know how to keep it slumbering. We are all capable of great evil or great good. Pray that you stay different. Pray that you stay true to you and allow nothing to take hold of you. Different is good. Variety is good and keeps up healthy and strong. Change is good. Do not fear different or change, but be like a river that changes its course. It had to change and it is a force to be reckoned with because of the way it is constantly changing.

Are all systems go yet?

Waiting. I don't know a single person who likes to wait especially when it's something that is very important to you. There is some random statistic out there that says that most people spend X% of their lives waiting. I probably don't have it right at all, but you get the idea. Waiting is hard and humbling.
It makes me really think hard about how our lives are totally wrapped up in instant gratification. Deep thoughts for sure, but hence the humbling aspect of them. As much as I dislike waiting for things, I dislike it even more to know that I am selfish because I don't wait for them. Hmm...
The problem is that I don't know what I'm waiting for. It's like that U2 song "...but I still haven't found what I'm looking for." Just like that. I felt that there is a reason why I came out to Idaho and there is a reason why I lost my job. And there still is a reason why I am still here rather than somewhere else. I just don't know what it all means just yet or what I'm meant to learn or experience here. Maybe I'm just too close to the picture to see what's really going on. Anyone else want to take a crack at interpreting the big picture?
I was at bible study tonight and the topics were full of learning. There were a few things that really took root in me though. One was that fear and discouragement are not from God. Wow. So, this idea that of not knowing and being scared and tired and discouraged about this is not of God. Good to know. The second big thing was that unity and uniformity are not the same thing. Well, instinctively we know that, however it is another to put it into practice.
I got a job offer for a camp in the San Juan Islands today and they offerred me more money that had been originally discussed in the interview. That was great. The position doesn't start until March. I'm trying to figure out what to do until then. Maybe I'll just stay here. Not sure yet because there are a lot of things that are still really up in the air right now. It's the planner side of me that is freaking out a little bit on that one. But, it's late and I have to get up for work in the morning.

Rings and Hot Springs

So, originally I had planned to go to Banff with friends from Halloween weekend to this past weekend. That didn't work out like I had hoped, however I did have a fantastic weekend regardless.
Ginger told me that Pete had proposed (yeah!) and she still has a few weeks working fire crew. I took a few extra days off and I went on an adventure into the mountains. I went to Lolo Pass and camped out. It was snowing! It was beautiful and yet made me fully aware of how I really need to buy some chains for Eleanor and soon! Driving in the snow in the mountains without them is not a very good idea!
I drove along the scenic highway 12 all the way up to Lolo Pass. It was beautiful driving along the clearwater and the lochsa rivers. The western larch (or tamarack as they are sometimes called) were starting to loose their needles, but most of them still looked like they had been touched by king midas' hand they were so golden! Even in the fading daylight they glowed.
I made it up the road only to discover that unlike lower down, the campgrounds were not open at all. So it is dark now and starting to snow and I don't really have a place to crash for the night. I ended up driving up the whole way to the pass and parked in the rest area/visitor's center parking lot and camping out in Eleanor. She's a trooper that car. Nothing against GG, but GG couldn't have made it here in the mountains. She's more for the open spaces of the prairie.
It was great sleeping in Eleanor and I even had heated bathrooms at my disposal! Not bad for living free out of your car! I slept well and awoke to rain patterning the windows. I was still out of batteries for my camera and running a little low on gas, so I decided to forego some serious expeditioning in the woods that were wet, snowy, and dreary. It would have been nice to explore there more, but I have a feeling that I'm going to go back there for some serious snowshoeing later this winter. Yes!
Eventually I made it into the ranger station where Ginger is staying. We ate dinner, talked a lot, watched a movie with Rock and went to sleep. The next day we slowly made our way out of bed and made breakfast while we thought about what we'd like to do for the day. Bouldering and hot springs won out so off to this sweet bouldering area between whitehall and butte. So neat! There were boulders everywhere! I'd like to just camp there for a few days and play around on the rocks! It was damp, but the rain held off until the end of the day which was great. Then we drove to this hot spring next to a river on our way back and it was a little too hot, but we hung out there for a bit and then started to make our journey back to the ranger station. We both were pretty tired but we made some dinner of kettle popped pop corn and talked some more. One of my favorite things about hanging out with Ginger is the fact that we could physically do absolutely nothing for a whole weekend and just talk, and it would still be the perfect weekend together. I always love our time together.
So, but not everything about the weekend was wonderful. After being around people who have been sick for the last three weeks, I knew it was bound to happen to me as well. Sure enough, I have a cold. I stayed home from work yesterday, and went in for half a day today. I was cold and tired, so I was ready to come home. I am going to shoot for a full day tomorrow though. I did go to bible study tonight though and it was fantastic! Thank goodness I found one with people that I really do enjoy. I feel like I'm starting to settle in here at last. I'm excited, and yet worry about what is coming next. I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. Anwyay, I need sleep to get well. I'll post pictures another time.
Dream sweetly all!

God is in the Rain

I feel that even though rain is cold and damp and generally makes you want to stay indoors and do absolutely nothing, I love it. It also make colors stand out more. The leaves are doing incredible things with colors right now. The Mountain Ash trees are this orange/red color and the Sugar Maples are brilliant yellow against their dark wet bark and the gray color of the sky. Contrasts, that's why I like the rain. I also like the way it sounds on the roof of your house, your tent, or even pouring through gutters like little white-water rivers along the streets. I love walking in the rain feeling the drops hitting my head and my face as I go on whatever journey I'm bent on that day. Rain is good. It feeds the earth and sooths my soul.

It's raining today in case you haven't guessed. It rained yesterday too. It was extremely refreshing. I was told by an aquaintence that so enters the rainy season here in Moscow. I had no idea that there was any such thing! I only thought it was part of winter finally coming. I've been looking forward to some winter action and some snow. Many people here don't like snow which I find really ironic. It's just like people in Duluth not likeing snow. MOVE!

It doesn't make sense to me for people to not like an essential part of their community's ecosystem and natural cycle. If you don't like it, move! There's no reason to nay-say on my winter wonderland thank you very much! I love winter! Bring on the 5 ft of snow in one day! I have snowshoes and can get around just fine. In fact, I relish in the challenge and adventure of it all! Grass is always greener and all that though.

I have a job offer for an outdoor science school in southern California. I'm not sure about it just yet. There are things that I like about it, but I find myself feeling slightly squeamish about moving even further away from people I care about and I know. Seems odd for me to say so, but it takes a lot of you to build friends and relationships within a brand new community and it takes time. Time to make those connections and time to allow them to grow. I feel that if I leave for something that I'm not 100% on, that I'm running away from the thing I've started here.

I also know that I like Moscow, but I don't believe that I'll live here for very long. I don't know how else to explain it other than I don't feel a connection here that I have to other places that I've been. Only time will tell though.