The Space Between

Waiting. No one likes it. Yet, we all seem to do more of it than we would care to admit. I have been trying to be patient with trying to figure out what's coming my way in the next few months. I am feeling antsy and very, very tired of waiting. I know that most people would tell me, "Oh, you'll be fine. You just have senioritis."

Ok, so I know after a semester of EMT training and 9 days of Wilderness First Responder certification doesn't make me a doctor or anything. However, I'm fairly confident that senioritis isn't a disease that can be diagnosed. I know that people are just trying to be helpful, but honestly, it really isn't making me feel that much more patient. In fact, it will make me feel just the exact opposite of patient.

*Sigh* I feel like it has just been a really long month of March and I just want to be done with it and I really, really want a day to myself or to just relax and hang out with friends or something! I think that I need to get out and go camping or something. This is not senioritis because it doesn't exsist. What I do have is a mild case of cabin fever which is in fact a medical/psychological condition.

Spring break was busy with the WFR course and all. It was fun, but a lot of work. It brought to mind a lot of things that I had put on hold that were-and still are-really important to me. A lot of goals that I realize that I still do want to pursue. Like getting my EMT. I think that I want to pursue that in a wilderness medical kind of situation. I'd love to be on ski patrol, but I'm not sure if they take snowboarders. So, I may have to re-learn how to ski again and perhaps spend some money to purchase my own equipment. Blah! I don't like the thought of that. Ski equipment is way more expensive than snowboard equipment.

Anyway, this is just a early evening rant of frustration about not knowing what's going on in the future and not being able to do anything other than wait for it to find me at this point. If only things were as black and white as my pictures...

Goodnight.

Laura

The sounds of silence

I played hookie from classes this past Tuesday. Before you say it, I only had one class at 2 pm and the professor teaches verbadum from the book. So, I got to sleep in instead of my usual 6 am pre-light wake up morning and boy it felt good. Daylight savings time really messes with your circadium rhythms! Anyway, I drove up to Two Harbors and gave the folks at Granite Gear back some stuff that they had sent down to sell at the gear swap last weekend. It was really nice to see them again. I know if I ever have an opportunity, I will work for them again.

After that, I went up to Gooseberry Falls State Park for a hike, some birding (for class), and to take some pictures. It was 40 degrees, sunny with a few clouds in the sky, and the sky as blue as the back of a mountain bluebird. Needless to say, I couldn't have picked a better day to play hookie. There were a few other people around, but otherwise the air was full of the sounds of chickadees, nuthatches, and little red pine squirrels marking out their territory and of course guarding it viggorously with chattering galore. I don't have a lot of fondness for this little critters because they are simply one of the most obnoctious critters that I have had contact with. They never are quiet!

That's when I noticed the quietness. If you know where Gooseberry is located, you'll know that hwy 61 runs right over the falls and the river. I can't express my disappointment and slight anger that my beautiful and quiet place kept getting sliced through by various semis and other vehicles plowing over that bridge. It was being slapped in the back of the head every time one drove by. It was a horrible addition to an otherwise perfect day.

I tried to get as far and deep into the woods so that I wouldn't be able to hear the roar anymore, but it was always there. It also got me to thinking about silence. Humans generally can't stand quiet. Most anyway. I mean, what on earth is so wrong with silence? Do we have to keep moving and keep making noise to prove that we exsist or something? The though is ludicrous! And yet, there I stood in a beautiful natural area straining to hear the roar of the waterfalls under the ice over the roar of cars.

It also made me wonder if there are any such quiet places left in this world? With high flying jets, planes, cars, snowmobiles, etc. going through large areas of quiet and wilderness, is it truely and timelessly quiet in those areas anymore? My fear is the answer is no.

The human race fights for many things; resources, basic rights, religion, against wars, for wars. But, we are not fighting for something that many of us don't realize has been stolen from us. We don't fight for the natural silences that are the essence of life. Those silences are not the abnormal quiets we think them to be, but the essence of our understanding of time and place. So, I beg you know if you are reading this, go find some silence. If you, like me find that you are unable to find true silence, speak out against the noise!

It's the journey, not the destination

I don't know where to begin other than by saying that the last few weeks have been very intense for me with all that is going on. Preparing for various tests, working a lot, snowboarding a lot, and overall just trying to go into things with the same vigor and passion that I put into everything.

That being said, this weekend I took my Level Two Snowboard Certification Exam. It wasn't exactly how I hoped it would be. It was very intense. I think that my EMT certification process was less intense for me and that's the only thing that I can reasonably compare it to. You are judged on every word you say, how you say it, and how it relates to the topic at hand. Your body movements while snowboarding are scrutinized so much that at some points you feel a lot like an amature model must feel when they are showing off their bodies in the hopes that the person looking at you likes what they see. I'm not saying that snowboarding is like modeling, but it most certainly is the farthest thing from it.
However, the testing situation is tense. The people who are testing with you, you're not sure if you're being helped or helping them, or if you are in a state of competition with them. I know that ultimately the goal of the exam is not to make the candidates feel naked, scrutinized, nor in competition, but that's what it felt like for me. I don't think that I have experienced a more emotionally and physically trying weekend in a very, very long time. Needless to say, I did not pass this exam. At the same time though I can't express in words how wonderful it was to go to race league at the hill last night and just drink with my co-workers, who have been so supportive, and to just relax and let all the tension just melt away like the ice on the sidewalks.
I hate failing. I don't typically use that word "hate" becuse it implies loathing and a deeper emotion than plain old "dislike". But I truely do hate failing because it just makes you doubt yourself in ways that you should never have to do. I know it's a very humbling experience and humbling oneself is always a good idea. However failing at something, at least for me implies that I lack the necessary skill to achieve and to progress at whatever I am attempting to accomplish. I know that I cannot be fantastic at everything and also that many directions that are worth taking are not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination.
So, the journey on this path has come to a temporary road block that I will need to re-trace my steps back to the beginning and start over. Completely over so that I can get back on the right road to reach my desired destination. That doesn't mean that the lessons learned nor the people I met on this journey were not worth the meeting or the learning. I just know that the other paths and journeys that I take to reach the destination will come with even more in the future.

School, Snowboarding, and Sigurd Olson

You know, birding in the middle of winter can be a trial. A trial for your body, a trial for your patience, and a trial for your perserverence of them all. Some days are super duper cold and windy and it makes you wonder how the hell our ancestors managed without such things as heat inside a house or a stove to quick make some hot cocoa, or for that matter hot cocoa! I went up to the Sax-Zim bog area which is a super sweet birding area in Minnesota and is one of the most reliable places that you can see some cool birds like Great Grey Owls, Hawk Owls, and Snow Buntings. I didn't get to see the owls, but I did get to see the snow buntings and that was neat. I know, I'm a bird nerd, but I love it!
I actually just had a test this morning in ornithology (study of bird biology for those that don't know) and it was the first one that we've had all semester. It was hard! I mean, I studied really well and there were things on there that I had no clue what to put for an answer. Thank goodness it was essay and short answer. Perhaps I'll do ok then. If it had been multiple choice, I would've been screwed.
My classes are going well though. I am super busy this week though with midterms, homework, projects, and my snowboard level 2 exam this weekend. I have been studying for that since December off and on, but I am still nervous for it. I guess it would be bad if I wasn't nervous for it. It's just I have a lot riding on passing so much so that failing is not an option. Not to mention that I would be extremely disappointed in myself if I didn't pass.
I even have some tests next week so I can't really celebrate my birthday either next week. Or at least not like all out celebrate. I am thinking something really laid back like bowling or board games for the evening. So for those of you looking to get me a gift for my birthday, oh, you know about 20" of fresh snow would be well recieved. :-)
I still haven't heard anything more about Isle Royale this week. I'm kinda getting antsy about it because I want to get the application and such done soon so that I can for sure get a position there. It would be sweet to be a paid staff, but if that doesn't work out, then an SCA position would be ok too. I still think it's kind of surreal that they have to have groceries brought by boat for staff. I think that will take some time getting used to. But, have to do some more cleaning and studying for my level 2. So, if you could, think wonderful, positive, encouraging thoughts in my direction on Saturday and Sunday. I'd appreciate it.
Thanks!
Laura

Helmets Save Lives...

So, back in Duluth and teaching during the "holiday madness" which it is aptly named. As far as teaching goes for me, it was kind of a hit or miss day. I should preface this by saying yesterday was fine teaching, but I broke a toe ladder of my binding before lessons even started and then proceeded to lock my keys in my car later that day after I had gone to get the toe ladder replaced. Yesterday was not good for me personally. But today, I was hoping for a much better day. I had a three hour private with a 10 yr old boy from Texas who got to side slipping at the end of it all, doing it by himself and in control. Not bad, but I definately felt like a horrible teacher at the end of that one since I typically have my students almost linking turns at the end of an hour and a half lesson. The family was great and even gave me a $15 tip which I greatly appreciated.

I then had like 20 minutes for a lunch break before I had another private lesson. It was with a woman slightly older than me who was having some confidence issues about her turning. I had debated whether to go helmet or hat, and chose helmet because I really enjoy my new one. Thanks Mom and Dad! So, we were doing traverses across the green hill to start off. I was behind her and on my heel edge doing a traverse when I get taken out from behind! When me and this other person finally stop rolling, this 12 yr old boy and I untangle ourselves and I gave him the largest reprimand ever! His buddies were all around him and I too and all of their eyes were wide as saucers. I was so angry that this kid didn't even have the decency to at least FALL before he ran right into me and from behind no less! It was a battlefield out on the hill today to say the least. So, I am glad that I opted for the helmet option because it saved my head from some serious hurting tonight.

So yeah for helmets! I did get to go out and ride with a friend of mine that is working too. He called me randomly while I was in Utah this summer, and we've stayed in contact. So we rode after work and after attempting-and failing with some pain and snow- to do a battleship box and three jumps in the park, I decided that my body couldn't take too much more abuse tonight. So we came back to ski school and shared a pitcher of moosedrool. Yum! Then I went over to my boss's house for a marvelous dinner of grilled salmon, ranch mashed potatoes, and garlic bread. It was a good end to a fairly good day. Only, I know that I will be sore tomorrow because falling off that box knocked the wind out of me pretty good tonight and my body is sore now. Here's hoping some early morning yoga will work out the kinks.

Fires are Lovely

Merry Christmas! I have to say that it was a wonderful time for me and a nice break as well. However, on the drive home, it was not so nice. I knew that there was a storm of a mix of snow, ice and everything inbetween was heading for the midwest. So, on the 22nd, I asked my wonderful boss if I could miss the next day of work in order to miss the storm coming in and thus get trapped in Duluth over christmas. She gracefully consented to allow me to leave Saturday night. All seemed well until I hit Osseo, Wisconsin when the snow started to come down in full force. From that point on, I did not travel over 40 mph on I-94 until I got home to Sauk City. So, what normally takes a maximum of 5 hours to drive home, took me 7 1/2 hours! My family had waited up for me to get home bless their hearts. And I did arrive home safely and without incident thank goodness.

The next day, Sarah had to go to work at the local ski hill. I slept in and what a glorious sleep it was. I needed it for I somehow have caught a cold and a nasty one at that. But I tried to not allow it to dampen my Christmas spirit. When Sarah got home, we trimmed the tree as a family, ate an impromptu meal of bbq ribs, sliced cheese, hummus, veggies, and Christmas in a Cup (for those of you unfamiliar with this wonderful delight, it is godiva hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps). After dinner, we proceeded to the tree and unwrapped some gifts from each other. I always love that part because I love watching people unwrap things and the energy you feel when they open up their surprise.

There were many lovely gifts of needed items, hand-made items, and eatable items given all around and all of which were greeted with gasps of pleasure. I for one am glad of the collapsable shovel for my car, snowboard helmet, socks, and bath salts. Thanks you guys!

Then we all drove up to Grandma and Grandpa's house in Appleton to have our tradditional Christmas Eve festivities. I was less than chipper even though I had taken a nap earlier. I was still suffering from the cold which I suspect was giving me a fever. So, there was no alcohol consumption for me and I generally kept to myself which again, is unusual. I had a good time, though I was glad to get back to Aunt Suzie and Uncle Dave's to go to sleep. I slept almost the whole night through which was great. I definately needed it.

So Christmas day was met with an amazing omlete at Suzie and Dave's and then Sarah and I drove back over to Grandma and Grandpa's for some additional gift unwrapping and of course Christmas Dinner. Now I digress in saying that typically this time of year is my favorite because of all the wonderful food and catching up with family. Not until Christmas Day did I actually desire to eat anything or actually feel hungry that's how sick I was. I always know I'm sick when I don't want to eat anything. So dinner was amazing as usual. Grandma always outdoes herself every year.

I was supposed to head back to Duluth today, however the weather was again going to be bad all along the route that I drive. I was not about to repeat the whole 40 mph situation again, so I again had to ask my amazing boss for an additional day off so that I could travel safely back. She consented. Just for the record, my boss in Duluth is fantastic and one of the most flexible and understanding bosses I have ever had in my life. Thank you so much Heidi Jo. So now I am safely sitting by the fireplace at my parent's house and writing a blog instead of driving white knuckled back to Duluth. Tomorrow I will be traveling and it looks to be a great day for it all across Wisconsin and Minnesota. I am not sure if I will write another entry before the new year, but in case I don't, have a fabulous New Year!

Holy Snow Batman!

Holy Snow is right! In the last few days we've had a ton of snow here in Duluth and everyone is just glowing with the novelty of it. Not only is it the first big snow we've had this season, but everyone still remembers waiting so long for such a big snow that I don't think that there is a single person complaining that it is here. They even closed down campus and the bus system at 5 pm this evening. THAT'S how much snow we've got! Pictures of the fabulous white stuff soon to come.
I also taught my first snowboard lesson of the year this past weekend and almost didn't get home because the roads were so bad. I have learned that the little grocerie getter is getting old and is not so hot on driving around in the snow. Since I will always have to live where there is snow and lots of it, I think it is perhaps time to give the old girl up in search of something with all weel drive and sacrifice my decent gas milage in there too. :-(
It really does amaze me though as to how many people do not shovel their sidewalks. I know that it is a city ordinance saying that you have to, but still people don't do it. I walked home from class today in the midst of this huge snowstorm and there are still areas where people haven't shoveled the sidewalks from the last one. I ended up walking on the road most of the way home which is a sketchy business on days like this let me tell you! If you think skidding cars and trucks are scary while you're in one, try having it happen while you're a pedestrian! Yikes! So, for those of you who don't shovel, help a walker out and do it!
The semester is almost over and I seriously can't believe that I am that much closer to graduating from college. About time right? I don't think so. I've learned a lot in all my undergraduate years and I wouldn't trade any of them to have been out working by now because they all had good lessons to be learned in each of them as well as good people to be met. On that note, I'm going to sleep because I am still recovering from a cold and I have a lot on my plate this week.