Food stamps rock my world!

I just got my food stamps and I am so thankful that I have them! I can shop at the co-op with them! Yahoo!

It's a new month full of new possibilities. Who knows what will happen?
I went to visit Ginger in the Big Hole Valley of Montana where she has been stationed on a fire crew for the summer. It's a sweet place. It's very rural in the sense that the cattle out numer the people by 10:1 odds. So, it's quiet in both good and sometimes not so good ways depending on how you look at it.

It was great to just hang out the two of us and it was a much needed respite from life for me. We visited the National Battlefield there and I talked to some of the rangers there to get a feel for the area and what they thought of the job since I've applied for one there among others. I did get a job here in town and they want to hire me full time which is good. I am torn though if I should stay here or take the opportunities that may arise with all the other jobs that I've applied for.
We'll see I guess. In the meantime though, I've been reading alot. Those of you who really liked the Eragon books, the new one is out and I'm about half way through it and it is fantastic so far! I highly recommend it. I also have been baking bread and making good squash recipies. Yum!

Not a whole lot going on otherwise. Just doing what I can to keep my head above water for now and hoping and praying that something will come my way to stand on for a while. Oh the life of a brand new working girl fresh from the college campus!

There's silver somewhere....sometimes I can't find it.

So, it's been awhile since blogging last happened. It's rough when you're blocked from a website on a government computer and you don't really have another option. Oh well. Those of you who know what's been going on in my life...well, you know it! Those of you who don't...shame on you for not asking! Ha, just kidding.
So, this summer was amazing. More than amazing, it was peaceful and full of serenity and lots of ponderings and journal entries. No, I refuse to post my journal entries on the internet. A girl has some boundries and that is one of them!
Anyway, I graduated finally and went to Isle Royale for one of the best summers in living memory. I enjoyed it thoroughly. You can really see and start to understand yourself when you gaze at your reflection in the clear blue waters of Lake Superior. She inspires a lot in humans.
So, I left Isle Royale to move to northern Idaho for an americorps job. I was so excited to work at this place doing environmental education for a whole year and meeting new people, seeing a new place of the world that I have never experienced. My mom and I road tripped out here to see and move me in. We had a wonderful time and I would never trade that time with her for anything in the world. Even knowing what would come after, I would not have wanted to do anything different.
I have met some really amazing and generous people here. They are very friendly and giving of themselves which is a fantastic jewel to find among so much wheat. Yes, wheat. There are fields of it everywhere and it is beautiful against the saphire hue of the sky during the day. Ah such colors!
Well, an unexpected road block came up this week in which this amazing position that I accepted to take, I actually can't do it anymore. Nothing serious with me, other than due to me doing the other two jobs the past summers that I asked for an americorps award, well, I'm not allowed to do another one.
You can only imagine how sad, upset, and scared I was at that moment just praying that somehow this was all a huge misunderstanding and that there was some way possible that I could still do this work, but not have the education award or something. Anything other than the knowing that I moved two time zones away from family and friends for a job that I aparently don't have anymore.
I felt like someone had taken my legs out from underneath me and I was just sitting in a mud puddle on my butt wondering what happened and how I fell so hard and fast. Not exactly a great week for me. There was a lot of crying. I mean A LOT of crying and some hyperventillation that occured which perhaps were both the result of shock and minor panic attacks. Not entirely uncommon when such things happen out of the blue like this.
So, like I said, everyone has been just amazing considering all this happened. They were amazing before, but are still just as amazing right now. I think that's why I feel so torn as to whether I should move and try a new place, but yet, I really would like to stay here because I have forged some great friendships over such a short time and I really hesistate to loose those so soon.
That and the director of the EE place called the mayor of the city on my behalf to ask if there were any jobs that she knew of. The mayor. Someone called the mayor for me. How cool is that? I mean, I'd rather it be under different circumstances, however I feel just blessed regardless to be surrounded by such amazing people who are willing to help out an almost stranger in a bad position. There are such good people in this world and it would be a good idea to remind myself that it doesn't cost anything to me to help someone else out who is in need.
Anyway, I've been on resume booster kicks to get my resumes up to date so that I can apply for some jobs that can help me get where I think that I'd like to be professionally rather than working odd jobs. However, if odd jobs are where it will have to be for a while, then so be it. I don't mind just as long as I don't have to do them for very long just because I get really antsy and end up getting kind of cranky sometimes if I do them for too long.
Well, I think that I'm going to go rock climbing tomorrow with some friends I've met here. I haven't decided yet, but I'm pretty sure I want to go. I've been too house bound lately, but at the same time, I'm not exactly sure if I want to be around people right now. I know it will be better if I am and that I'll have fun, but just the hermit side of me is kind of ruling right now and just wanting to be alone with my thoughts and my journal. Oh well, I'll decide tomorrow morning.
Cheers all,
Laura

Blizzard Adventures Take 2!

Yep, that's right everyone! There was a blizzard in Duluth today! It started last night at around 10 pm or so and went straight into today. Thunder, lightning, snow, 60 mph winds the works! It has started to dwindle now but I can still see ominous looking clouds over the great big snow machine called Lake Superior. I didn't walk down to the Lakewalk like I had orignally planned. The friend I was going to hike down there with got sick. Which means in her world, her body finally was making her slow down enough to rest! Gee, I've never done that ;-).

So, instead of seeing the epic waves that were crashing madly against the rocks today, I filled the day with other adventures. Such as the power went out so me and my roomate Bill proceeded to cook our brunch-ish meal over a campstove on top of our stove. It was magical! Then my other roomate had to venture up the hill to pick up her boyfriend who got stuck up at Home Depot where he works. Don't ask me to tell the story, you'll just have to ask her about it.

Then Bill and I started to build a quinzee. For those of you who have no idea what this marvelous piece of heaven is, it is a pile of snow that is dug out to be able to live, sleep, play cards, whatever in. So, while we were doing that, we shoveled the side walks and the stairs while the snow for our quinzee was settling. We ended up finding the ONE pizza place that was open and delivering still and ordered a couple. Such bliss! Then after pizza, beer, and a mid afternoon movie, we suited up and went back out to dig out the quinzee. We're almost done, but both Bill and I an were really tired and it is almost cleared out. We'll finish it tomorrow and sleep outside in it tomorrow night. What a wonderful day! Such adventures should be had every day!

The Archipelago Awaits

I bet you didn't know that Isle Royale is an Archipelago. It is one main island with lots of little islands all around it. Kind of neat. Yes, I am going to be at Isle Royale this summer! Yeah! I am excited for it and yet the choices seem to find me yet. The day I decided to go to Isle Royale, I recieved two more calls to set up interviews! One from Grand Teton and the other from the Raptor Center in St. Paul! Crazy!

Another thing that's crazy is the fact that there is only about four more weeks in the semester and then I am done. Whoa. I just re-read that sentence and somehow can't believe it just yet. I will be done with college. Have a degree and away I go! I haven't quite wrapped my head around that just yet! I'm excited to say the least!

I am also excited because a lot of old and new friends will be in the area (aka aroundish Duluth) this summer. I am looking forward to being able to get off the island once or twice to hang out with them! Some of them I haven't seen for a very long time so I am looking forward to being able to at least spend a little bit of time with them.

I also know that an old classmate will also be at Isle Royale this summer which is cool because it means that I already know someone there and like to hang out with them. That will be nice too. Lots to look forward to, but I can't get too far ahead of myself. I have still got quite a plate full of school to do before I even get to that. Hope everyone is well and I'll write again soon.

Cheers,

Laura

The Space Between

Waiting. No one likes it. Yet, we all seem to do more of it than we would care to admit. I have been trying to be patient with trying to figure out what's coming my way in the next few months. I am feeling antsy and very, very tired of waiting. I know that most people would tell me, "Oh, you'll be fine. You just have senioritis."

Ok, so I know after a semester of EMT training and 9 days of Wilderness First Responder certification doesn't make me a doctor or anything. However, I'm fairly confident that senioritis isn't a disease that can be diagnosed. I know that people are just trying to be helpful, but honestly, it really isn't making me feel that much more patient. In fact, it will make me feel just the exact opposite of patient.

*Sigh* I feel like it has just been a really long month of March and I just want to be done with it and I really, really want a day to myself or to just relax and hang out with friends or something! I think that I need to get out and go camping or something. This is not senioritis because it doesn't exsist. What I do have is a mild case of cabin fever which is in fact a medical/psychological condition.

Spring break was busy with the WFR course and all. It was fun, but a lot of work. It brought to mind a lot of things that I had put on hold that were-and still are-really important to me. A lot of goals that I realize that I still do want to pursue. Like getting my EMT. I think that I want to pursue that in a wilderness medical kind of situation. I'd love to be on ski patrol, but I'm not sure if they take snowboarders. So, I may have to re-learn how to ski again and perhaps spend some money to purchase my own equipment. Blah! I don't like the thought of that. Ski equipment is way more expensive than snowboard equipment.

Anyway, this is just a early evening rant of frustration about not knowing what's going on in the future and not being able to do anything other than wait for it to find me at this point. If only things were as black and white as my pictures...

Goodnight.

Laura

The sounds of silence

I played hookie from classes this past Tuesday. Before you say it, I only had one class at 2 pm and the professor teaches verbadum from the book. So, I got to sleep in instead of my usual 6 am pre-light wake up morning and boy it felt good. Daylight savings time really messes with your circadium rhythms! Anyway, I drove up to Two Harbors and gave the folks at Granite Gear back some stuff that they had sent down to sell at the gear swap last weekend. It was really nice to see them again. I know if I ever have an opportunity, I will work for them again.

After that, I went up to Gooseberry Falls State Park for a hike, some birding (for class), and to take some pictures. It was 40 degrees, sunny with a few clouds in the sky, and the sky as blue as the back of a mountain bluebird. Needless to say, I couldn't have picked a better day to play hookie. There were a few other people around, but otherwise the air was full of the sounds of chickadees, nuthatches, and little red pine squirrels marking out their territory and of course guarding it viggorously with chattering galore. I don't have a lot of fondness for this little critters because they are simply one of the most obnoctious critters that I have had contact with. They never are quiet!

That's when I noticed the quietness. If you know where Gooseberry is located, you'll know that hwy 61 runs right over the falls and the river. I can't express my disappointment and slight anger that my beautiful and quiet place kept getting sliced through by various semis and other vehicles plowing over that bridge. It was being slapped in the back of the head every time one drove by. It was a horrible addition to an otherwise perfect day.

I tried to get as far and deep into the woods so that I wouldn't be able to hear the roar anymore, but it was always there. It also got me to thinking about silence. Humans generally can't stand quiet. Most anyway. I mean, what on earth is so wrong with silence? Do we have to keep moving and keep making noise to prove that we exsist or something? The though is ludicrous! And yet, there I stood in a beautiful natural area straining to hear the roar of the waterfalls under the ice over the roar of cars.

It also made me wonder if there are any such quiet places left in this world? With high flying jets, planes, cars, snowmobiles, etc. going through large areas of quiet and wilderness, is it truely and timelessly quiet in those areas anymore? My fear is the answer is no.

The human race fights for many things; resources, basic rights, religion, against wars, for wars. But, we are not fighting for something that many of us don't realize has been stolen from us. We don't fight for the natural silences that are the essence of life. Those silences are not the abnormal quiets we think them to be, but the essence of our understanding of time and place. So, I beg you know if you are reading this, go find some silence. If you, like me find that you are unable to find true silence, speak out against the noise!

It's the journey, not the destination

I don't know where to begin other than by saying that the last few weeks have been very intense for me with all that is going on. Preparing for various tests, working a lot, snowboarding a lot, and overall just trying to go into things with the same vigor and passion that I put into everything.

That being said, this weekend I took my Level Two Snowboard Certification Exam. It wasn't exactly how I hoped it would be. It was very intense. I think that my EMT certification process was less intense for me and that's the only thing that I can reasonably compare it to. You are judged on every word you say, how you say it, and how it relates to the topic at hand. Your body movements while snowboarding are scrutinized so much that at some points you feel a lot like an amature model must feel when they are showing off their bodies in the hopes that the person looking at you likes what they see. I'm not saying that snowboarding is like modeling, but it most certainly is the farthest thing from it.
However, the testing situation is tense. The people who are testing with you, you're not sure if you're being helped or helping them, or if you are in a state of competition with them. I know that ultimately the goal of the exam is not to make the candidates feel naked, scrutinized, nor in competition, but that's what it felt like for me. I don't think that I have experienced a more emotionally and physically trying weekend in a very, very long time. Needless to say, I did not pass this exam. At the same time though I can't express in words how wonderful it was to go to race league at the hill last night and just drink with my co-workers, who have been so supportive, and to just relax and let all the tension just melt away like the ice on the sidewalks.
I hate failing. I don't typically use that word "hate" becuse it implies loathing and a deeper emotion than plain old "dislike". But I truely do hate failing because it just makes you doubt yourself in ways that you should never have to do. I know it's a very humbling experience and humbling oneself is always a good idea. However failing at something, at least for me implies that I lack the necessary skill to achieve and to progress at whatever I am attempting to accomplish. I know that I cannot be fantastic at everything and also that many directions that are worth taking are not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination.
So, the journey on this path has come to a temporary road block that I will need to re-trace my steps back to the beginning and start over. Completely over so that I can get back on the right road to reach my desired destination. That doesn't mean that the lessons learned nor the people I met on this journey were not worth the meeting or the learning. I just know that the other paths and journeys that I take to reach the destination will come with even more in the future.