You probably are reading the title and are like "huh?" This cheesehead Wisconsin girl is going back to Wisconsin. I'm leaving Idaho for now, saying goodbye to the land of potatoes and cutthroat trout and going back to the dairy state. The only dairy state. California cheese and milk DO NOT taste the same as Wisconsin's and even Illinois' does.
Anyway, I got a job doing environmental education at a residential camp and retreat center only 30 minuntes from where I grew up. I'm stoked! I'll be moving back to the midwest right before christmas and then staying there until the end of May. After that, I don't know what will come, but I'll worry about it in April or something.
I have definately learned not to plan too far ahead of me after moving out here. Also I've learned to follow my instinct more and listen to what it's saying. The reason being that most of the time, it's right on about things and situations that will be good or negative. I say most of the time, because sometimes it doesn't do anything, but I figure that there was a lesson that I needed to learn if that happens and I try to learn from it.
So, now I have to figure out how to get my things back to Wisconsin and over 5 passes and the entire state of North Dakota without incident. Here's hoping it all goes well. It' might be another challenge. But, sleeping in Eleanor isn't so bad. In fact, it's quite nice and spacious for the most part. So, this will be my last entry from the potato state of Idaho. My time here was good, but I'm looking forward to moving onward to new things, or getting to know familiar things with new sight.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
How Deep and Wide the Rivers Run.
Everyone is different. Born of different parents in a different economic status than their neighbor. Different religions. Different cultural background. Different colored eyes, hair and skin. Everyone is different and unique.
Every leaf on a tree is different. Every river that runs from its' headwaters to the sea is different. Every hair on a moose hide is different. Everything in nature has its differences.
The phases of the moon change. The seasons change. Our hair changes color and lengths. The tides change. Even the amount of rain in one area from year to year changes. Everything in our lives change. If that is a universal truth, then riddle me this: why are humans afraid of change?
Nothing in our lives stays the same and if it does, we believe our lives to be stagnant and unmoving or unmotivated. But, when big, eppic changes occur, we freak out! Change can be scary it's true. It's the unfamiliar that haunts us. The "what if" scenarios that keep us unmoving like water with no where to go. With no outlet, water becomes unclean and full of algae until the algae kills off all the other things in the water and takes up all the space so much that it even kills itself off. Do we want our lives and our nation to become like a stagnant pond slowly choking the life out of itself? I have no desire to see that happen.
People who were born in the last two centuries have not seen war or conflict on United States soil. We've been attacked surely, and those were hard situations and tragic ones as well. But they were short lived and soon forgotten within the woes and materialistic values that we have come to thrive on. We are soft and spoiled as a country. More so those of us whose ancesters were born here and the voices telling stories of hardship and attrocities of man have faded beyond the whisper to silence. They are faces without tales and so a part of us is lost because we would not listen because we felt we did not have the time.
Selfish of us really. Such a large part of being human is knowing what it is to not be human. It is when we do not know or understand what a monster is that we fail to understand that humans have been and still can be the monster that makes small children afraid at night. They should not fear that which could harm them that is fantasy, they should fear that which is real and has a face that is not grotesque but looks just like everyone elses.
Everyone is different. Yes, that is true and not. Every human has a monster within. It breathes with us, eats with us, and sleeps with us. Beware the day that it wakes within you. Learn that monster within so you know how to keep it slumbering. We are all capable of great evil or great good. Pray that you stay different. Pray that you stay true to you and allow nothing to take hold of you. Different is good. Variety is good and keeps up healthy and strong. Change is good. Do not fear different or change, but be like a river that changes its course. It had to change and it is a force to be reckoned with because of the way it is constantly changing.
Every leaf on a tree is different. Every river that runs from its' headwaters to the sea is different. Every hair on a moose hide is different. Everything in nature has its differences.
The phases of the moon change. The seasons change. Our hair changes color and lengths. The tides change. Even the amount of rain in one area from year to year changes. Everything in our lives change. If that is a universal truth, then riddle me this: why are humans afraid of change?
Nothing in our lives stays the same and if it does, we believe our lives to be stagnant and unmoving or unmotivated. But, when big, eppic changes occur, we freak out! Change can be scary it's true. It's the unfamiliar that haunts us. The "what if" scenarios that keep us unmoving like water with no where to go. With no outlet, water becomes unclean and full of algae until the algae kills off all the other things in the water and takes up all the space so much that it even kills itself off. Do we want our lives and our nation to become like a stagnant pond slowly choking the life out of itself? I have no desire to see that happen.
People who were born in the last two centuries have not seen war or conflict on United States soil. We've been attacked surely, and those were hard situations and tragic ones as well. But they were short lived and soon forgotten within the woes and materialistic values that we have come to thrive on. We are soft and spoiled as a country. More so those of us whose ancesters were born here and the voices telling stories of hardship and attrocities of man have faded beyond the whisper to silence. They are faces without tales and so a part of us is lost because we would not listen because we felt we did not have the time.
Selfish of us really. Such a large part of being human is knowing what it is to not be human. It is when we do not know or understand what a monster is that we fail to understand that humans have been and still can be the monster that makes small children afraid at night. They should not fear that which could harm them that is fantasy, they should fear that which is real and has a face that is not grotesque but looks just like everyone elses.
Everyone is different. Yes, that is true and not. Every human has a monster within. It breathes with us, eats with us, and sleeps with us. Beware the day that it wakes within you. Learn that monster within so you know how to keep it slumbering. We are all capable of great evil or great good. Pray that you stay different. Pray that you stay true to you and allow nothing to take hold of you. Different is good. Variety is good and keeps up healthy and strong. Change is good. Do not fear different or change, but be like a river that changes its course. It had to change and it is a force to be reckoned with because of the way it is constantly changing.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Are all systems go yet?
Waiting. I don't know a single person who likes to wait especially when it's something that is very important to you. There is some random statistic out there that says that most people spend X% of their lives waiting. I probably don't have it right at all, but you get the idea. Waiting is hard and humbling.
It makes me really think hard about how our lives are totally wrapped up in instant gratification. Deep thoughts for sure, but hence the humbling aspect of them. As much as I dislike waiting for things, I dislike it even more to know that I am selfish because I don't wait for them. Hmm...
The problem is that I don't know what I'm waiting for. It's like that U2 song "...but I still haven't found what I'm looking for." Just like that. I felt that there is a reason why I came out to Idaho and there is a reason why I lost my job. And there still is a reason why I am still here rather than somewhere else. I just don't know what it all means just yet or what I'm meant to learn or experience here. Maybe I'm just too close to the picture to see what's really going on. Anyone else want to take a crack at interpreting the big picture?
I was at bible study tonight and the topics were full of learning. There were a few things that really took root in me though. One was that fear and discouragement are not from God. Wow. So, this idea that of not knowing and being scared and tired and discouraged about this is not of God. Good to know. The second big thing was that unity and uniformity are not the same thing. Well, instinctively we know that, however it is another to put it into practice.
I got a job offer for a camp in the San Juan Islands today and they offerred me more money that had been originally discussed in the interview. That was great. The position doesn't start until March. I'm trying to figure out what to do until then. Maybe I'll just stay here. Not sure yet because there are a lot of things that are still really up in the air right now. It's the planner side of me that is freaking out a little bit on that one. But, it's late and I have to get up for work in the morning.
It makes me really think hard about how our lives are totally wrapped up in instant gratification. Deep thoughts for sure, but hence the humbling aspect of them. As much as I dislike waiting for things, I dislike it even more to know that I am selfish because I don't wait for them. Hmm...
The problem is that I don't know what I'm waiting for. It's like that U2 song "...but I still haven't found what I'm looking for." Just like that. I felt that there is a reason why I came out to Idaho and there is a reason why I lost my job. And there still is a reason why I am still here rather than somewhere else. I just don't know what it all means just yet or what I'm meant to learn or experience here. Maybe I'm just too close to the picture to see what's really going on. Anyone else want to take a crack at interpreting the big picture?
I was at bible study tonight and the topics were full of learning. There were a few things that really took root in me though. One was that fear and discouragement are not from God. Wow. So, this idea that of not knowing and being scared and tired and discouraged about this is not of God. Good to know. The second big thing was that unity and uniformity are not the same thing. Well, instinctively we know that, however it is another to put it into practice.
I got a job offer for a camp in the San Juan Islands today and they offerred me more money that had been originally discussed in the interview. That was great. The position doesn't start until March. I'm trying to figure out what to do until then. Maybe I'll just stay here. Not sure yet because there are a lot of things that are still really up in the air right now. It's the planner side of me that is freaking out a little bit on that one. But, it's late and I have to get up for work in the morning.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Rings and Hot Springs
So, originally I had planned to go to Banff with friends from Halloween weekend to this past weekend. That didn't work out like I had hoped, however I did have a fantastic weekend regardless.
Ginger told me that Pete had proposed (yeah!) and she still has a few weeks working fire crew. I took a few extra days off and I went on an adventure into the mountains. I went to Lolo Pass and camped out. It was snowing! It was beautiful and yet made me fully aware of how I really need to buy some chains for Eleanor and soon! Driving in the snow in the mountains without them is not a very good idea!
I drove along the scenic highway 12 all the way up to Lolo Pass. It was beautiful driving along the clearwater and the lochsa rivers. The western larch (or tamarack as they are sometimes called) were starting to loose their needles, but most of them still looked like they had been touched by king midas' hand they were so golden! Even in the fading daylight they glowed.
I made it up the road only to discover that unlike lower down, the campgrounds were not open at all. So it is dark now and starting to snow and I don't really have a place to crash for the night. I ended up driving up the whole way to the pass and parked in the rest area/visitor's center parking lot and camping out in Eleanor. She's a trooper that car. Nothing against GG, but GG couldn't have made it here in the mountains. She's more for the open spaces of the prairie.
It was great sleeping in Eleanor and I even had heated bathrooms at my disposal! Not bad for living free out of your car! I slept well and awoke to rain patterning the windows. I was still out of batteries for my camera and running a little low on gas, so I decided to forego some serious expeditioning in the woods that were wet, snowy, and dreary. It would have been nice to explore there more, but I have a feeling that I'm going to go back there for some serious snowshoeing later this winter. Yes!
Eventually I made it into the ranger station where Ginger is staying. We ate dinner, talked a lot, watched a movie with Rock and went to sleep. The next day we slowly made our way out of bed and made breakfast while we thought about what we'd like to do for the day. Bouldering and hot springs won out so off to this sweet bouldering area between whitehall and butte. So neat! There were boulders everywhere! I'd like to just camp there for a few days and play around on the rocks! It was damp, but the rain held off until the end of the day which was great. Then we drove to this hot spring next to a river on our way back and it was a little too hot, but we hung out there for a bit and then started to make our journey back to the ranger station. We both were pretty tired but we made some dinner of kettle popped pop corn and talked some more. One of my favorite things about hanging out with Ginger is the fact that we could physically do absolutely nothing for a whole weekend and just talk, and it would still be the perfect weekend together. I always love our time together.
So, but not everything about the weekend was wonderful. After being around people who have been sick for the last three weeks, I knew it was bound to happen to me as well. Sure enough, I have a cold. I stayed home from work yesterday, and went in for half a day today. I was cold and tired, so I was ready to come home. I am going to shoot for a full day tomorrow though. I did go to bible study tonight though and it was fantastic! Thank goodness I found one with people that I really do enjoy. I feel like I'm starting to settle in here at last. I'm excited, and yet worry about what is coming next. I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. Anwyay, I need sleep to get well. I'll post pictures another time.
Dream sweetly all!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
God is in the Rain
I feel that even though rain is cold and damp and generally makes you want to stay indoors and do absolutely nothing, I love it. It also make colors stand out more. The leaves are doing incredible things with colors right now. The Mountain Ash trees are this orange/red color and the Sugar Maples are brilliant yellow against their dark wet bark and the gray color of the sky. Contrasts, that's why I like the rain. I also like the way it sounds on the roof of your house, your tent, or even pouring through gutters like little white-water rivers along the streets. I love walking in the rain feeling the drops hitting my head and my face as I go on whatever journey I'm bent on that day. Rain is good. It feeds the earth and sooths my soul.
It's raining today in case you haven't guessed. It rained yesterday too. It was extremely refreshing. I was told by an aquaintence that so enters the rainy season here in Moscow. I had no idea that there was any such thing! I only thought it was part of winter finally coming. I've been looking forward to some winter action and some snow. Many people here don't like snow which I find really ironic. It's just like people in Duluth not likeing snow. MOVE!
It doesn't make sense to me for people to not like an essential part of their community's ecosystem and natural cycle. If you don't like it, move! There's no reason to nay-say on my winter wonderland thank you very much! I love winter! Bring on the 5 ft of snow in one day! I have snowshoes and can get around just fine. In fact, I relish in the challenge and adventure of it all! Grass is always greener and all that though.
I have a job offer for an outdoor science school in southern California. I'm not sure about it just yet. There are things that I like about it, but I find myself feeling slightly squeamish about moving even further away from people I care about and I know. Seems odd for me to say so, but it takes a lot of you to build friends and relationships within a brand new community and it takes time. Time to make those connections and time to allow them to grow. I feel that if I leave for something that I'm not 100% on, that I'm running away from the thing I've started here.
I also know that I like Moscow, but I don't believe that I'll live here for very long. I don't know how else to explain it other than I don't feel a connection here that I have to other places that I've been. Only time will tell though.
It's raining today in case you haven't guessed. It rained yesterday too. It was extremely refreshing. I was told by an aquaintence that so enters the rainy season here in Moscow. I had no idea that there was any such thing! I only thought it was part of winter finally coming. I've been looking forward to some winter action and some snow. Many people here don't like snow which I find really ironic. It's just like people in Duluth not likeing snow. MOVE!
It doesn't make sense to me for people to not like an essential part of their community's ecosystem and natural cycle. If you don't like it, move! There's no reason to nay-say on my winter wonderland thank you very much! I love winter! Bring on the 5 ft of snow in one day! I have snowshoes and can get around just fine. In fact, I relish in the challenge and adventure of it all! Grass is always greener and all that though.
I have a job offer for an outdoor science school in southern California. I'm not sure about it just yet. There are things that I like about it, but I find myself feeling slightly squeamish about moving even further away from people I care about and I know. Seems odd for me to say so, but it takes a lot of you to build friends and relationships within a brand new community and it takes time. Time to make those connections and time to allow them to grow. I feel that if I leave for something that I'm not 100% on, that I'm running away from the thing I've started here.
I also know that I like Moscow, but I don't believe that I'll live here for very long. I don't know how else to explain it other than I don't feel a connection here that I have to other places that I've been. Only time will tell though.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Food stamps rock my world!
I just got my food stamps and I am so thankful that I have them! I can shop at the co-op with them! Yahoo!
It's a new month full of new possibilities. Who knows what will happen?
I went to visit Ginger in the Big Hole Valley of Montana where she has been stationed on a fire crew for the summer. It's a sweet place. It's very rural in the sense that the cattle out numer the people by 10:1 odds. So, it's quiet in both good and sometimes not so good ways depending on how you look at it.
It was great to just hang out the two of us and it was a much needed respite from life for me. We visited the National Battlefield there and I talked to some of the rangers there to get a feel for the area and what they thought of the job since I've applied for one there among others. I did get a job here in town and they want to hire me full time which is good. I am torn though if I should stay here or take the opportunities that may arise with all the other jobs that I've applied for.
We'll see I guess. In the meantime though, I've been reading alot. Those of you who really liked the Eragon books, the new one is out and I'm about half way through it and it is fantastic so far! I highly recommend it. I also have been baking bread and making good squash recipies. Yum!
Not a whole lot going on otherwise. Just doing what I can to keep my head above water for now and hoping and praying that something will come my way to stand on for a while. Oh the life of a brand new working girl fresh from the college campus!
It's a new month full of new possibilities. Who knows what will happen?
I went to visit Ginger in the Big Hole Valley of Montana where she has been stationed on a fire crew for the summer. It's a sweet place. It's very rural in the sense that the cattle out numer the people by 10:1 odds. So, it's quiet in both good and sometimes not so good ways depending on how you look at it.
It was great to just hang out the two of us and it was a much needed respite from life for me. We visited the National Battlefield there and I talked to some of the rangers there to get a feel for the area and what they thought of the job since I've applied for one there among others. I did get a job here in town and they want to hire me full time which is good. I am torn though if I should stay here or take the opportunities that may arise with all the other jobs that I've applied for.
We'll see I guess. In the meantime though, I've been reading alot. Those of you who really liked the Eragon books, the new one is out and I'm about half way through it and it is fantastic so far! I highly recommend it. I also have been baking bread and making good squash recipies. Yum!
Not a whole lot going on otherwise. Just doing what I can to keep my head above water for now and hoping and praying that something will come my way to stand on for a while. Oh the life of a brand new working girl fresh from the college campus!
Friday, September 12, 2008
There's silver somewhere....sometimes I can't find it.
So, it's been awhile since blogging last happened. It's rough when you're blocked from a website on a government computer and you don't really have another option. Oh well. Those of you who know what's been going on in my life...well, you know it! Those of you who don't...shame on you for not asking! Ha, just kidding.
So, this summer was amazing. More than amazing, it was peaceful and full of serenity and lots of ponderings and journal entries. No, I refuse to post my journal entries on the internet. A girl has some boundries and that is one of them!
Anyway, I graduated finally and went to Isle Royale for one of the best summers in living memory. I enjoyed it thoroughly. You can really see and start to understand yourself when you gaze at your reflection in the clear blue waters of Lake Superior. She inspires a lot in humans.
So, I left Isle Royale to move to northern Idaho for an americorps job. I was so excited to work at this place doing environmental education for a whole year and meeting new people, seeing a new place of the world that I have never experienced. My mom and I road tripped out here to see and move me in. We had a wonderful time and I would never trade that time with her for anything in the world. Even knowing what would come after, I would not have wanted to do anything different.
I have met some really amazing and generous people here. They are very friendly and giving of themselves which is a fantastic jewel to find among so much wheat. Yes, wheat. There are fields of it everywhere and it is beautiful against the saphire hue of the sky during the day. Ah such colors!
Well, an unexpected road block came up this week in which this amazing position that I accepted to take, I actually can't do it anymore. Nothing serious with me, other than due to me doing the other two jobs the past summers that I asked for an americorps award, well, I'm not allowed to do another one.
You can only imagine how sad, upset, and scared I was at that moment just praying that somehow this was all a huge misunderstanding and that there was some way possible that I could still do this work, but not have the education award or something. Anything other than the knowing that I moved two time zones away from family and friends for a job that I aparently don't have anymore.
I felt like someone had taken my legs out from underneath me and I was just sitting in a mud puddle on my butt wondering what happened and how I fell so hard and fast. Not exactly a great week for me. There was a lot of crying. I mean A LOT of crying and some hyperventillation that occured which perhaps were both the result of shock and minor panic attacks. Not entirely uncommon when such things happen out of the blue like this.
So, like I said, everyone has been just amazing considering all this happened. They were amazing before, but are still just as amazing right now. I think that's why I feel so torn as to whether I should move and try a new place, but yet, I really would like to stay here because I have forged some great friendships over such a short time and I really hesistate to loose those so soon.
That and the director of the EE place called the mayor of the city on my behalf to ask if there were any jobs that she knew of. The mayor. Someone called the mayor for me. How cool is that? I mean, I'd rather it be under different circumstances, however I feel just blessed regardless to be surrounded by such amazing people who are willing to help out an almost stranger in a bad position. There are such good people in this world and it would be a good idea to remind myself that it doesn't cost anything to me to help someone else out who is in need.
Anyway, I've been on resume booster kicks to get my resumes up to date so that I can apply for some jobs that can help me get where I think that I'd like to be professionally rather than working odd jobs. However, if odd jobs are where it will have to be for a while, then so be it. I don't mind just as long as I don't have to do them for very long just because I get really antsy and end up getting kind of cranky sometimes if I do them for too long.
Well, I think that I'm going to go rock climbing tomorrow with some friends I've met here. I haven't decided yet, but I'm pretty sure I want to go. I've been too house bound lately, but at the same time, I'm not exactly sure if I want to be around people right now. I know it will be better if I am and that I'll have fun, but just the hermit side of me is kind of ruling right now and just wanting to be alone with my thoughts and my journal. Oh well, I'll decide tomorrow morning.
Cheers all,
Laura
So, this summer was amazing. More than amazing, it was peaceful and full of serenity and lots of ponderings and journal entries. No, I refuse to post my journal entries on the internet. A girl has some boundries and that is one of them!
Anyway, I graduated finally and went to Isle Royale for one of the best summers in living memory. I enjoyed it thoroughly. You can really see and start to understand yourself when you gaze at your reflection in the clear blue waters of Lake Superior. She inspires a lot in humans.
So, I left Isle Royale to move to northern Idaho for an americorps job. I was so excited to work at this place doing environmental education for a whole year and meeting new people, seeing a new place of the world that I have never experienced. My mom and I road tripped out here to see and move me in. We had a wonderful time and I would never trade that time with her for anything in the world. Even knowing what would come after, I would not have wanted to do anything different.
I have met some really amazing and generous people here. They are very friendly and giving of themselves which is a fantastic jewel to find among so much wheat. Yes, wheat. There are fields of it everywhere and it is beautiful against the saphire hue of the sky during the day. Ah such colors!
Well, an unexpected road block came up this week in which this amazing position that I accepted to take, I actually can't do it anymore. Nothing serious with me, other than due to me doing the other two jobs the past summers that I asked for an americorps award, well, I'm not allowed to do another one.
You can only imagine how sad, upset, and scared I was at that moment just praying that somehow this was all a huge misunderstanding and that there was some way possible that I could still do this work, but not have the education award or something. Anything other than the knowing that I moved two time zones away from family and friends for a job that I aparently don't have anymore.
I felt like someone had taken my legs out from underneath me and I was just sitting in a mud puddle on my butt wondering what happened and how I fell so hard and fast. Not exactly a great week for me. There was a lot of crying. I mean A LOT of crying and some hyperventillation that occured which perhaps were both the result of shock and minor panic attacks. Not entirely uncommon when such things happen out of the blue like this.
So, like I said, everyone has been just amazing considering all this happened. They were amazing before, but are still just as amazing right now. I think that's why I feel so torn as to whether I should move and try a new place, but yet, I really would like to stay here because I have forged some great friendships over such a short time and I really hesistate to loose those so soon.
That and the director of the EE place called the mayor of the city on my behalf to ask if there were any jobs that she knew of. The mayor. Someone called the mayor for me. How cool is that? I mean, I'd rather it be under different circumstances, however I feel just blessed regardless to be surrounded by such amazing people who are willing to help out an almost stranger in a bad position. There are such good people in this world and it would be a good idea to remind myself that it doesn't cost anything to me to help someone else out who is in need.
Anyway, I've been on resume booster kicks to get my resumes up to date so that I can apply for some jobs that can help me get where I think that I'd like to be professionally rather than working odd jobs. However, if odd jobs are where it will have to be for a while, then so be it. I don't mind just as long as I don't have to do them for very long just because I get really antsy and end up getting kind of cranky sometimes if I do them for too long.
Well, I think that I'm going to go rock climbing tomorrow with some friends I've met here. I haven't decided yet, but I'm pretty sure I want to go. I've been too house bound lately, but at the same time, I'm not exactly sure if I want to be around people right now. I know it will be better if I am and that I'll have fun, but just the hermit side of me is kind of ruling right now and just wanting to be alone with my thoughts and my journal. Oh well, I'll decide tomorrow morning.
Cheers all,
Laura
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
